Monday, December 6, 2010

"That's the good thing about memory loss!"

That was a quote my mother said to me yesterday. And at the time, it was GREAT! (It meant I'd forgotten everything I'd seen in the Eclipse movie. I KNEW it was going to come back to haunt me, but I had no idea how bad it could be.

See, I don't get a choice in the whole memory loss thing. I can't control the things I remember and the things I forget. Even growing up I had a TERRIBLE memory. I was easily distracted, and all it took was one second for me to forget a chore that had just been assigned to me. But add the mental illness component and the drugs taken to treat it, and BAM! You've got yourself a recipe for disaster. Often enough, this recipe plays out in methods that even I could not suspect. Like today, all I've had to eat was a hot pocket around 11:30. It's been twelve hours since and the only thing I've consumed was a White Chocolate Mocha with a shot of caramel. And on an empty stomach, I was rolling in pain. I'm stubborn, though. And daily I submit to the pain from fibromyalgia. Whether it's stopping every few minutes when walking or even admitting when the pain is too intense. These aren't things I enjoy doing, but things that I must. To be perfectly honest, there have days when I've used a wheelchair in Target or Walmart, and even a day when the airport was too much to handle alone, so I used a wheelchair and an escort. These are things I haven't admitted to my family. My mother doesn't my pain very seriously, to be honest. And my doctor laughed in my face. So I wanted to face down this stomach pain, but I couldn't. Ah well, I had my bf pick me up food. Now the pains much better, thank the Lord. But forgetting to eat isn't rare, not at all for me. Neither is forgetting things like homework and on the worst of days to feed my dog (now I keep food in his bowl just in case).

Don't get me wrong, there are perks to this situation, too. I can usually forget something that makes me upset within five minutes time, if properly distracted. It allows me to forgive much easier. I can forget past events and people, like they never even existed. I sort of enjoy that one. Others not so much.

I realize now that the Fibromyalgia situation needs its own space, perhaps tomorrow for that one.

Signing out,

an appeased Whitney and a snoozing Austin

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